What Does a Healthy Christian Relationship Look Like?

5 Things To Look For in a Dating Relationship 

Have you ever asked the question: “What Does a Healthy Christian Relationship Look Like?” That’s what this article is all about. There’s five things to look for in that other potential partner before you hold hands or commit to dating:

1.     Christ at the Center

This is make it or break it when it comes to dating: either thumbs up or thumbs down. If they aren’t following Jesus, it’s an automatic red flag. Don’t settle for something less than God’s best because you’re lonely!

2.     Compass for direction in life

The world around us is a dark place – the word of God brings light and life. The author of Psalm 119 describes it being a lamp to his feet and a light to his path, and the same is for us – like a pointer finger, God’s word and Godly community are like a compass and a map. We can see if we are one inch off on the map, or even just a couple degrees off on a compass now and continue moving forward – we will arrive in entirely different destinations.

3.     Communication that is healthy and effective

There’s no place in a healthy relationship for immaturity like games and ghosting. Being honest and up front about your feelings and intentions sets everyone up for success. Even if you face rejection in the process – you’re not wasting your time, and you’re not wasting their time. Healthy communication involves both encoding and decoding. This means saying what you mean as well as actively listening to the other person in the process for complete understanding! Think about it, when you hear about relationships that haven’t worked out, one of the primary factors can be communication.

4.     Commitment to one another

It doesn’t take very long spending time with someone to see if they are committed to Christ and committed to you and ultimately desiring the relationship to move forward. If you’re dating with the intention of marriage and one day plan on wearing a wedding ring – you’re looking early on for indicators of commitment. Questions to ask can be: are they talking to or texting with others at the same time?

I just have to tell a powerful personal story from my wife Micah and I’s relationship. Something she did all while we were dating was pray, read the Bible, and journal what God was teaching her and speaking to her. On our wedding night, she presented that journal to me with her heart written on the pages. She wrote a book called Worth The Wait: Because I’m Made For You as a guided 52 week journal you can get to begin praying for and journaling to your future spouse as well!

5.     Chemistry has its place, it’s just not first place

 A lot of times the place we tend to start is outward attraction and beauty. You might be attracted to someone externally who isn’t following Christ, and if you are pursuing Jesus, remember that inward beauty continues to grow even when outward beauty fades. For a relationship to last – its foundation needs to be built on more than feelings. Love is a choice!

We unpack this on the FYI podcast in depth to answer the question “What Does a Healthy Christian Relationship Look Like?” Be sure to subscribe and tune into this conversation!  

As a young adult, we believe that you are ALIVE to THRIVE! If you have a question about life, faith, adulting, or relationships you can comment below or submit it here where we answer one question each week on the FYI PODCAST.

5 Ways To Pray For College Students

My bold prayer for the next generation is that their faith in Jesus would continue as they go off to college! Mark Batterson says: “bold prayers honor God and God honors bold prayers.”  So I trust that while I pray God is working. Similarly, Dr. John Piper says: “Prayer is the open admission that without Christ we can do nothing. And prayer is the turning away from ourselves to God in the confidence that He will provide the help we need. Prayer humbles us as needy and exalts God as wealthy.” What we never want to do is overestimate ourselves and in the process underestimate our omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient God! Prayer is the declaration that we need God.

As we pray — here are five specific areas to pray for in the lives of students who are graduating and going off to college . . .

WE PRAY FOR THE FAITH OF THE NEXT GENERATION!

Authentic faith in Christ is not to be abandoned. To start up faith, stir up their faith, and stay in faith even against the dominant currents of culture.

For far too long, close to 60% of those who grew up attending church walk away from their faith by the time they are a freshman in college.

We ask God that there would be pastors, mentors, leaders, campus ministries, churches and individuals who would care for the spiritual well-being of young adults.

WE ASK FOR THE FUTURE TO BE BRIGHT AS FOREVER STARTS NOW.

One of the most often asked questions I hear from young people is can I get past my past? The answer is always yes with Jesus, through His work on the cross, He offers us freedom from our past, forgiveness of sins, and a future both on earth and forever in eternity.

Four years of a students university experience can impact the next forty years and beyond! As adolescents begin the process of adulting, our prayer is for their decision making process to be birthed in prayer and wisdom. That they might see how their decisions today impact the coming decades of their life on earth.

THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

LORD, BRING RELATIONSHIPS THAT CAN LAST FOR A LIFETIME!

Loneliness is rough. Anxiety is real. One Godly friendship can change everything.

David was in a battle as a teenager and young adult. The King of Israel, Saul, had put a hit out on David’s life. David had a Godly friend - Jonathan. The power of friendship is deep. Think about it: when you have a friend, you’re never alone.

On the college campus, it’s so common for a Christian to feel like they are the only one. The only one not partying on a weekend. The only one staying sober and not drinking. The only one who actually cares about the things of God.

Satan’s goal is isolation. God’s design is community. So we believe that God would provide local churches, campus ministries, small groups, and outreach events that can facilitate contagious community for the benefit of young people.

WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE STUDENTS LAUNCHING WITH PARENTAL BLESSING AND SENDING.

We pray for healthy relationships with their parents and siblings as students launch off on their own.

Learning to do laundry, cook meals, clean, drive, budget, manage time and everything that living on your own comes with is a massive undertaking. Especially experiencing each of these for the first time. Especially all at once.

Andy and Sandra Stanley share in this two part podcast about how their whole goal of parenting was to build the type of relational environment where their children would want to come home as adults even when they don’t have to.

I’m amazed how many strained and severed relationships there are between parents and children. Most young adults probably have never heard their parent pray for them out loud. This is an opportunity to bless and send. We believe that family units will be filled with love in this season of life!

MAY STUDENT LOANS BE SLASHED FROM THE STORIES OF THIS GENERATION.

Finances cause stress, anxiety, worry, panic and fear in the lives of many. Especially those who are first generation college students, or the first from their family to fill out a FAFSA, apply for scholarships and grants.

Less debt is better than more debt.

My bold prayer is that that a generation of students would have student loans slashed from their stories!

5 Vital Relationships in Your Twenties:

5 Vital Relationships in Your Young Adult Years: 

Especially coming out of the past year and a half of pandemic and moving towards endemic, everyone is craving community! So how do you cultivate contagious community? Where do you find those relationships we all long for? Let’s face it: we weren’t made to do life by ourselves! I actually don’t think you can live fully alive on your own or without others! Here’s a handful of thoughts on the type of life-giving friendships we all need:

Christ (Jesus at the center of it all)

More than a religion filled with rules and regulations that you need to try to keep up with. A RELATIONSHIP with Jesus is absolutely life-giving. He is the source of life! All other relationships flow from here.

I love what Paul writes in the doxology in verses 33-36 of Romans 11 “For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.” To me, this is something I think about often as I desire Jesus at the center of it all: my life, my marriage, my family, ministry, everything. It’s all from him, for him, about him, through him, and for him!

Until we have Christ at the center of our lives - every other relationship is going to be out of balance. We begin looking for others to complete us, or at a minimum we expect that others will fill the hole that only God can.

As I meet with college students on a campus and talk with young adults in this generation - one of the most frequently asked questions on the forefront of their mind is: “how to I make friends?” Talk with Jesus. Pray that you become the friend others are looking for. Then expect that you might meet your next best friend you’ve ever met in your life tomorrow, later this week, or next month… because God desires that for you! He created you for relationship with him and with others!

Friends (One Christian you can trust changes everything)

I heard Louie Giglio share when he was asked why Passion has had such tremendous success for more than two decades - attracting stadiums full of college students encouraging them to live their lives for what matters most. His answer? He said that so many young people feel alone. They think they are the only Christian on their college campus, in their workplace, in their city, and even their church. When you’re surrounded by thousands of other young adults worshipping the name above every other - something clicks and you realize you’re not alone - you are one of MANY!

That being said, it’s impossible to know everyone in your church on a deep personal level - let alone in a stadium full of people. One of the relationships you simply can’t do without is having at least one other Christian you can trust.

Where do you find people like this? I’ve always found that everyone wants an invitation - but very few people are taking initiative. Be the person who invites somebody to lunch, to coffee, to grocery shop, to go with you on a road trip, or to a drive-in movie, a sporting event, or game night.

Parents (Powerful influences in our lives)

Addison Bevere recently shared with me that one of the things he’s noticing in his travels about the next generation is that individuals who have a strong relationship with their Christian parents tend to rebel against the injustices of the world around them. Those who don’t have a healthy relationship with their parents tend to rebel against the religion of their parents. Crazy, isn’t it?

There are no perfect parents- there is however the remarkable blessing of a praying parent.

If you’re a parent reading this - my encouragement would be to pursue your son or daughter. Not sure where to begin? Jodie Bernt suggests starting by praying the scriptures over your children. Trust that God will give you the wisdom to invest into the relationship. If your son/daughter is over 18, you can totally start the conversation, send the text, make the meal, pick up the phone, but ask questions like:

• What’s on your mind?

• What are you hoping for? Excited about?

• Who are some of your close friends?

• Where are you hoping to travel?

AND THEN LISTEN! Actually listen. Just listen some more.

And if you’re a teenager or young adult reading this - I’d challenge you to make the most of your time with your parents while they are living. So many people look back on a broken relationship with regret. Many people who have lost their parents spend the rest of their life on earth trying to please their parents and earn their approval.

Pastors (everyone needs a pastor)

Discipleship at it’s core is about passing faith on to the next generations. Disciples reach up to pastors, leaders, and mentors. When you look at a pastor’s role it’s really about a couple of things:

1. Fulfilling the great commission (which is also the call of every believer.) And that is to go into all the earth and make disciples [see Matthew 28:19]. Continue to pass faith on to the next generations.

2. Equipping the saints for the work of the ministry [see Ephesians 4:11-12]. I love the way my friends Jonathan Pokluda and David Marvin phrase this: do ministry through people, not to people.

The significance of having a pastor in your life is they are placed there by God as an authority like a shepherd under the good shepherd to speak truth in love. Have you ever thought about your significance in your pastor’s life? To pray for them, their marriage, their family. To support their vision, to serve, to encourage, to bless. Today is a great day to thank your pastor for their service and to thank God for your pastor!

Mentors (high impact relationships)

My Chiropractor recently retired. He has helped me and my family for years in our health and in our lives. Since he’s no longer working the practice, a new, young, recent grad bought his practice. As I write this piece, I just visited the new chiropractor for the first time. I needed an adjustment and the appointment went great. What stood out to me most was to hear how this young doctor had become an understudy apprentice of the long time chiropractor before a transition was made.

What a cool picture of mentorship - a transfer of knowledge, passion, guidance, and wisdom. It was also a win-win: the retiring chiropractor’s practice lives on as something that will outlast him through the next generation. And the next generation stands on the shoulders and the foundation build by someone who went before them.

A mentor is a guide who can help you get from where you are now to where you want to go and they can teach you a lot of what you’ll need to know.

Mentoring goes both ways. My wife, Micah, says it best: “you’re never too old to learn, and you’re never too young to teach.” Either the mentor or mentee can approach about the opportunity, but I’ve seen it work best when the younger generation approaches the older generation about the opportunity.

6 Worship Songs That Can Lead You Into The Presence Of God:

6 Worship Songs That Can Lead You Into The Presence Of God:

In 1 Samuel 16 describes an event where Saul who was King of Israel at the time was tortured by an evil spirit after the Spirit of the Lord had left him. It seemed as though the only relief for his soul Saul could find was when David the shepherd boy would come and play music with his harp. In fact, it says in 1 Samuel 16:23 “Whenever the evil spirit from God bothered Saul, David would play his harp. Saul would relax and feel better, and the evil spirit would go away.”

Louie Giglio has described worship as being “a weapon to wage warfare against the enemy.” I’m guessing you’re reading this today because you’re in a battle right now or because somebody shared this with you to offer some encouragement. Here’s some worship songs I believe can become anthems for you no matter what you’re facing:

Million little Miracles (Maverick City Music)

This song starts out with the powerful lyrics: “All my life I’ve been carried by grace. Don’t ask me how cause I can’t explain. It’s nothing short of a miracle I’m here.” This is my story and it’s your story! The question is are we stopping to do two things? First to thank God for who He is and for everything He has done. The second thing is to count how many miracles are in our life. Millions of miracles. Dozens of problems. #Perspective

Talking to Jesus (Brandon Lake)

This song is a little more of a story format. Just remember these words: “What a friend we have in Jesus.” No matter what you are going through - God is there with you! When you recognize that God actually calls you His son or daughter, things get personal and relational. A personal relationship means you and I are allowed access to approach. We can talk to Jesus - prayers can be simple!

Let The Light In (Kari Jobe)

My daughter is one at the time that I write this and it’s an understatement when I say she is a morning person! She loves to watch the sunrise. Most days lately, our family starts our day singing this song! We are surrounded by a dark world - and God’s light might never have shined brighter than when the world is darker.

Catch Me Singing (Sean Curran)

I watched the story behind the song from this artist, and he wrote Catch Me Singing during the height of the pandemic. The melody that catches me each time is “Everything’s Gonna Be Just Fine… You’ve Been God For a Long Time.” To me, this song has so many personal meanings. Maybe this past year has been rough for you - it’s an opportunity to praise God in the famine. Maybe things are going great currently and it’s an opportunity to bless God in the feast.

Breakthrough Miracle Power (Kristin Stanfill/ Passion)

“As long as You're in it… The story's not finished… I know you've overcome… So I know I'm gonna overcome…” This describes the human condition of despair perfectly and acknowledges that through the cross, Jesus has the final word. That dead things come back to life. That God is who He says He is and He will do what He says He can do. Healing. Restoring. Forgiving. Creating. We have an annual WKND event for 18-30 year olds who gather together from across the state of Minnesota to lift up the name of Jesus. Worship through song is a huge part of that… this year this song was our anthem and theme - focusing on the breakthrough miracle power of Jesus!

Available (Elevation)

I love this song! Simply offering our whole hearts, our whole lives, our whole schedule to Jesus. Singing and meaning that God can use me and I’m offering my life to Him is something I never want to stop. The part that hits different for me is: “For The One Who Gave Me Life… Nothing Is a Sacrifice” When I pause to think about the fact that Jesus gave His life in my place on the cross - there’s only one reasonable response and it’s to give it all for the one who gave it all for me!

I hope these songs minister to you as much as they have for me!

What about you? What songs are you listening to?